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My wife began seeing someone else and blamed it on me being distant. Divorce courts are gender biased in favor of women and women get custody of the children the majority of the time. That is all beside the point. Aurora; I completely agree with you. Thank god I work at a restaurant. The system is completely broke. . They make noncustodial parents finance their childrens college education, but they dont make married parents pay for their childrens college educations?????! She does nothing but try to make my life miserable at every turn. And he is an amazing father. In 1986, CBS produced a report titled The Vanishing Family: Crisis in Black America, which featured a New Jersey father of six who bragged on camera about not supporting his children financially. If they didnt want the above, they would have listened to Karen DeCrow. Its sickening. She has been staying with me for 3 years. How much are we allowing to occur? Any time my ex and I have a disagreement, she makes it out really big to the kids and has convinced them that Im a bad person. SMH. These evil jerks know exactly what they are doing. Laws for maintenance and alimony doesnt acknoweldge the financial status of wife, her education, her earnings. Because my ex was denying my court ordered visitation and I spend the weekend in jail for assault. BUT they are all NOT deadbeats. I battle ptsd and still face constant harrassment from my exs wife, while any attorney ai have gotten has been seemingly paid off to thwart any justice for me and my daughters. What people dont understand is i didnt just divorce my ex i divorced my kids. In my state the father is subject to license suspension, penalties and fines, and jail time if the support amount is not current. Not to mention I was trying to build s case about her living conditions because they were terrible the house was filthy and my childs room smelled like urine and the mattress was urine filled I had to go buy a cover for it at her house. Try 110 a week. Exactly Ban together Just because you pay more doesnt mean your better. It boggles my mind that almost 90% of custodial parents are women. Divorce game plan for women. I dont think a woman has the right to force fathers to pay for everything alone just because they have given birth. The guidelines need to be taken back to the drawing board. She was a nurse practitioner whose license had been yanked and she was looking for income. I know Im not good with all this court stuff but anyways they got me for contempt of court for not having that paper after trying to explain that I had brought it the first time well I have been making payments seems my first court appearance thankfully for family and my fianc but the judge is saying that isnt good enough and they want a paper from my doctor with certain information on it that my doctor is even confused about and all the judge keeps telling me is Im looking at a lot of jail time and I may look like one of these guys who has been in and out of the pin but Im not in a great dad and love my kids the only people they are hurting is my children and they dont see that and I cant figure any way out of this I am paying my support and a little extra on my support then Im ordered to it isnt a whole lot extra but Im making a effort and concistent and my court appointment lawyer that I finally got said that she doesnt understand what there issue is either its like they have it out for me because the way I look and when I told the judge I have been paying child support for 16 years he said that doesnt count for anything wth does it count for Im very disappointed in the child support system and my kids are going to loose a father because these courts screwed up and nobody is to blame at the courts when are they to be held accountable for there actions. Both man and woman decide to take responsibility of that action equally. There are several organizations around the country that focus on supporting and maintaining fathers' rights, both in family courts and through legislative action. Its not about you and getting what you want. But her word of mouth and a note someone wrote for her granted me to pay amln extra 542 a month on top of the base child support. So whatever works best for the parent is what should happen? She abused him to the point he stopped coming home and slept in his truck. 5. Even if she makes 2-3 more an hour her house nite is more than one of he paychecks lol. I managed to grow up and become successful and am now paying 6 more years of very punitive CA child support to a woman in PA who stole a sperm from me basically when I was young and stupid socially (despite book smarts) now I have a pretty daughter Ive never seen on the other side of the country. JOIN FREE: Federal Class Action for U.S. Child Custody Victims . My lawyer told me,Do not need child support any more. Now, on SSDI because could not work any more due to my stroke. 50/50 custody does nothing to serve a child well, it screws them up.. modern day laws are completely out of touch with reality of best interest of the child standard its a joke, and as for a parent that doesnt want to pay child support, 50/50 will most likely grant it. And the courts should revise theyre laws accordingly. Things are not equal right now, so dont pretend they are. The law should be added to so that those women don't have several babies and then wait for the child support to come in. So tell me how this is possible but MEN should pay ? In the state of Wisconsin, if the mother has primary placement of he child and receives ANY kind of state aid, for her, the child in question, or children with another man, child support is required to be paid. Youre right though, hes brilliant (obviously you knew this when you had unprotected sex with him) all he had to do was get locked up for 8 years now he gets to kick back, have fun and not pay you. 3 talking about this. both of you chose to bring these children into the world so both are equally responsible. A Father, fighting to be a DadJoin the fight! Top it off, I could not get SSI benefits for her, she was denied!! These are just some of the most troubling issues men and fathers face in today's society, according to Dr. Gordon Finley, a professor of psychology at Florida International University who researches fatherhood and divorce. He started paying support to hey prior to an order. Where is the child? I can barely pay my rent at $600/month for the 2 bdrm Im required to have to continue my visitation schedule. When 54% of my paycheck goes to my ex and 46% goes to my family of 5 how is that fair. So here I am barely being able to make ends meet and I agree something is definitely wrong with the system. The current child support system completely encourages monetary monopoly incentives with no equal parenting initiatives and most monetary monopolies are controlled thru corrupt gender biased woman who try to corrupt the process more and more in favor of their financial gains while enterprising the children. Modification is there for that reason. Credit For Marital Home Mortgage Payments. This is so very inspirational and wonderful to hear of. The arrearage was from a few years period back in the early 2000s that I was unemployed, as I was laid off from my aviation job after the 9/11 attack, when the airline industry went into a slump. Once divorced, unless one parent has sole custody, no child support. Thats easy. She has No accountability, and there is no equality whatsoever. When you find yourself in the judicial system, especially men of color, you are experiencing discrimination and institutional racism. I will not go to a court and put him on that crap, it would do nothing for her lively hood at all. When you get a subpoena to show up for court regarding child support, you get a are you so and so? The only thing that can again make the equation equal, is the ability of the man to decide if hes willing to be responsible financially and supportively for the child. That is pennies of the cost of raising my precious spawn. 2)Total agreement. The scam has been enhanced by the payment of incentives by the federal child support collection office to each states collection agency. It is against the rules on our home to speak Ill of the other parents. Went from a 26.00 an hour job to a 10.00 job and no adjustment or assistance. Do what is actually in the best interest of the child and not the state. Lots of good dads like myself are being chastised, judged and criticized as if we are deadbeat fathers. Regardless of whether you live in Manhattan or Nassau, Suffolk, Queens, Westchester or Brooklyn counties, New York fathers often fight an uphill battle when it comes to child custody issues. I got it. He has never attended day care. The whole system is Antiquated in a joke. They wouldnt modify when I was on unemployment for two years!! I make accommodations for her so they can go to her grandparents all the time. I have to agree with you. But all water under the bridge 20 years of my life and over 700k nwt income spent on nothing. I wasnt about to go, now my kids are over 30. The more child support the states collect, the more profit the state makes from the federal government for collecting child support. A targeted individual, whether the alienation targets an adult sibling or a co-parentas well as judges, lawyers, mental health professionals, and other family membersmust be knowledgable . We are going to have to take it. I pay $530 a month for 1 child i have a great job with lots of hours and great pay but my job lost the contract to the city that i work in due to being underbid by another company i have been working in the same city for 9 years this recently happend in november my hours went from 60-65 a week to 40 i also have 3 more kids with my wife all of this was pit into how much i would be paying and the number they came up with $530 a month i filled the paper work to see if they can drop the payment i filled out all the paper work they sent for me to fill out i sent my past w2s to show how much it dropped sent check stubs from last year and some from this year showing how much it dropped this was 2 months ago i have yet to get a single letter or phone call about it im struggling every week withy bills and my wife cant find work its really hard. Hopefully for future dads and kids the system can be changed. When both the child's mother and presumed father agree on who the child's father is, paternity can be established voluntarily. Anyway, when we finally did break up, I had received a notice, claiming that I owe 16,000 in back pay. Move to TN. I calmly told him why are you talking to me in a rude manner and he got pissed he told me I dont need to respect you or put up with this and hung up on me. The judge chastised my ex and the crown attorney for trying to overturn a family court order in a criminal court and told the crown to stop catering to all these woman. Her dad is not allowed to come to my house, though. An get mad if she loses her job. If he loses all his money which woman going to consider relationship with him? File for modification. I love my son in law but dont like him. So she wanted a divorce. I dont have an issue with comtinuing payments to take care of that. And which is so sad and painful to see the corruption that is going on in America, its not the war on deadbeat dads, its now the war on Dads. You might be going through a hard time, but that doesnt mean the responsibility of the children doesnt exist. Not long after the piece ran, Congress passed a law forcing states to adopt stricter enforcement practices when collecting past child support debts. He completely has controlled our lives and finances for the last four years. "Judges, the bench, the bar, even lawyers, they think it's not in a guy's DNA to be a stay-at-home parent . She overindulges them, but doesnt save for their future. November 15, 2022. My ex was behind 26k, got emergency ex parte custody, and ultimately sole custody after getting a default judgement when he did not notify me of custody hearing, and used completely fabricated income ammounts, causing me to lose my house, the only home my 5 year old had ever known at the time, my job, and very worst I lost any relationship that I had with my girls, he got discretion on visitation , and the man has not allowed us to see them at all, these people are criminals with records, and I was a mail carrier. Those payments run from tens of millions to hundreds of millions of $$ per year. Exactly, or even unequal time if that is what works better at time; u can always change up if needed. Why is NYS asking so much? she was at a loss for words. I have since raised all of the children, with the Lord and the crumbs he provided for child support. Ex spouse should be accountable for the money!! This problem might be solved with an Attorney. Im a father who lost 50/50 custody because I grounded my daughter 13 from a cell phone. The simple fact that child support doesnt guarantee visitation makes me sick. I had to spend 30 K on attorney to get 50-50 Custody. Im broke she gets new boobs, car, marriage and turns both kids against me. Unless it was rape, doesnt the woman chose to have sex also. Im in the army married 15 years with 2 teenagers. My bf is an amazing dad and from day one tried his best to be an active parent. The ex refuses to certify for bankruptcy court that my CS is current. Ive spent the last day and a half searching the internet for some sort of solution and so far all Ive found is a bunch of policies that make sense on the surface but lack the emotional depth necessary to determine a fair shake for everyone involved. Praying for your x to become a better man, Lady I worked 2 jobs for 18 yrs cooked, cleaned helped kids with homework while ex slept in or stayed in pajamas all week. So she wins and takes her to Ky with a nice $255/month CS order. I am so thankful for our ability to not use our child as a weapon or greed. I pay $1200 a month CS. I have had constant visitation with my oldest daughter for 6 years now and have always made child support payments the whole time. I am a mother of 3 and when my oldest was 12 I started receiving child support, just last September their dad stoooed working because of an injury. So there are fathers who pay religiously just to get the shaft. Seriously if I end up in jail for failure to pay the full amount owed in Child support. Would have been nice to have some college savings, instead of debt to pay. But now because my childs mother is bitter she goes and puts me on child support but claims it was only for insurance. And guess what lets say she gets $300 in welfare, and your order is $200 or $100, you dont have to pay $300-the state eats the debt and tax payers support the rest of your childs needs. Again, there are exceptions, however, when parental rights are determined by the government, we do not live in a democracymore like the dark ages. Child Support laws are outdated and need to change. Since 1990, Maryland has had child support guidelines, which provide a formula for calculating child support based on a proportion of each parent's gross income. youve been served. I fought, but basically was told that it would be unlikely. There will become a time that they grow older and have friends that want to hang out with do things with go places with but they want be able to because they will have to go to the other parents house . Yes the system is broken, anyone whos been through family court knows this is true. I have a great relationship with my kids, and Im proud to say that they are now in college, and doing great. My son is with me 3 months a year. My baby mama was trying to get me to pay 80% of daycare and only give me visitations. It is what it is. So just like every other tax-man I have ever met you are woefully uninformed and clearly do not have a gasp of real life sufficient to comment on real world matters. But i have a pick set in my gear so I opened the door. I found out that my state (Indiana) measures child support compliance by the gross amount of child support collected. Jobs are not a guarantee and neither is what you earn. Her mother lost the case in civil court and that made her mad enough to try to change custody. I agree, an employ of ours is a great father, he was a teen father and has always paid child support but never received parent time, and the courts completely ignored his request to having parent time. Calling them, i was told although a payment plan was included in monthly payments, they will do whatever they want to get it sooner. I fully agree with that man. Since presumption of guilt is there, it take 5-10 yrs just to prove that the case is fake. This makes the assumption that the states dont already know their laws are draconian. we have a 4 years old daughter in which I was still supporting until I left the house. What the PC parent has to realize is when the parent-child relationship is destroyed to maintain the monopoly that is an actual legal way out of the monopoly. Same holds true for adoption. Time matters not Money. We split all expenses 50/50 but Ive gone above her in making sure my kids have the best educational opportunity and Im the one that always attends their school events and such. You can't reduce your child support payments unless you get in front of a judge. SMHeven the judge said WOW! Anyone that thinks Child Support is fare needs to get a grip on reality! I work hard to sustain my lifestyle and to take care of my child. The father has done everything in his power to avoid paying from jobs under the table to living with his mother to not filing taxes. Men are allowed to get off way to easily. Notice IM NOT COMPLAINING ABOUT MY CHILDREN whom I nursed and sang to as infants etcI loved being a mom and business woman and soldier. Dads with evidence of moms keeping them from seeing thier kids, should definatelty get in trouble. You could even put kids up for adoption when they are older. 2. Divorce Tips For Men: What To Do With The House? CHANGE NEEDS TO HAPPEN!! Eventually she gave him the divorce and married the man she was cheating with. Hopefully in time it does :(. To be honest, she could have whatever she wants. The money is for your daughters welfare, not to give you something. Move on with your life, be a good father, and pay your support. They laughed at me and made me out to be a kept woman. That is just another weapon that women use to be unequal again. While I try to build up time spent with her mom. People have no idea how many mothers also lose custody and end up paying child support they cant afford. The states get a % of the dollars processed (for talking purposes lets say 10%). Often times child support is breaking the bond with fathers and their children because payments are so expensive that we fathers may not even have enough gas to visit. To add to my frustration, the case worker told me just today that if they cannot serve him then the case will be dropped and I can reapply when I have better information on him. In most cases these children were made out of love. Advertiser Disclosure. Its ridiculous. Join forces and demand reform!!! I make a little over $45,000 a year and my ex thinks that is enough, so he should NOT have to contribute unless he wants to buy a pair of sneakers here and there, or pay for a bi-weekly haircut. I now make half of what i did when my ex started her plan, I cant provide for myself anymore, much less let my kids to experience a great time when I have them, other than juat the love i can give them,but sometimes that just isnt enough for them at rhia point as little kids, they dont know all about the deep down love I have but they do know we dont get to do a whole lot or have a whole lot when they are with me, and as little kids that is important to them. I was in the service and my wife and I had been married 9 years. They should at least be given some finacial responsibility as well as the father. The child support system is Set up to PUNISH the hard working parent and MOTIVATE the lazy parent to continue to be jobeless and lazy. Calling women who expect child support feminists is the most ignorant thing I see in these conversations. Its math. The burden of "deadbeat" parents is . This form needs to be signed by both parties in the presence of a witness who must be over the age of . Even though I won in court I lost in the end but what keeps me going is knowing this cant last forever. Here at Fathers for Equal Rights we believe that every parent, be they non-custodial or custodial, has a duty to financially and emotionally support his or her children. Problem with support. His family avoids me as well because I honestly think they are embarrassed. This varies from state to state. After the deductions come out of my check (60%) and I pay my bills I am left with $360 a month for gas, groceries, and entertainment for the kids. Your right, support and involvement are dealt with separately. The harsh reality is that non of our law makers have the balls to make the changes that are truely in the best interest of the children in fear of losing votes. They can lower your payments or you can pay a lump sum and get it all taken off. Government has been given too too much power. It is time to ACT. How does that make it a mediation if he basically says that it is unlikely. Please post this on Facebook so I can like it. I have been turned into an ATM machine and a babysitter in my kids life in many ways. Kids are not furniture. We missed holiday dinner and I had to pay someone else to fix my car. How do we change it? The system provides a pathway to a broken home, It facilitates divorce, and leaves the father with little to start over with. She also has full medical from me. No offense to your kids mom (mine is the same way), but shes probably a loser just like my ex. I filed for child support in 2015, but cancelled the case when he begged me to and we agreed that he would pay me $250/month (I have text messages to prove this). Ive been paying child support for 19 years in the state of NY and to date its at $148,450 PAID! Its like she still wants to receive more just because he makes more money. 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