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As you get older three things happen. Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting the bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian. I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives. The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter. Quincy holds an MBA from the University of Dundee and an MSc from the University of Edinburgh, and lives in San Antonio with his wife Natalie, son Alex, and his dog Oban. Here are some hilarious funny inspirational quotes from some famous people and some not-so-famous people. I said, Thyroid problem? I should have asked for a jury. The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets. Wholesalersbootcamp.com | All Rights Reserved.| powered by thecodifiers. I dont like myself. Everyone has a purpose in life. I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early. Required fields are marked *. According to a new survey, 90% of men say their lover is also their best friend. A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on. Youre basically a houseplant with more complicated emotions. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. Always borrow money from a pessimist. But a little chocolate now and then doesnt hurt. 41 Unique Ways To Bounce Back From a Heartbreak, Lets Prove Negative Nancy Wrong Loneliness, Motivational Quotes 4 An Eye for an Eye, 19 Funny Inspirational Quotes to Laugh Your Way to Self Improvement, The 18 Most Memorable Steve Jobs Quotes of All Time, 12 Revealing Habits of Extremely Successful People. Clothes make the man. Never follow anyone elses path. When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick. Any pizza can be a personal pizza if you have the right attitude. Its always funny until someone gets hurt. Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease. Sometimes you just need to lie on the couch and read for a couple of years. I am an early bird and a night owl so I am wise and I have worms. The simple act of opening a bottle of wine has brought more happiness to the human race than all the collective governments in the history of earth.

The program is designed to transform the inside team from a client relations mind-set, to a world-class sales team. If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands? Inside me theres a thin person struggling to get out, but I can usually sedate him with four or five cupcakes. Some of the links in this post may beaffiliate links. It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another persons plate. Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair. The following organizations have participated in Wholesaler Institute events: This program will be conducted virtually via Zoom meetings, Getting call backs and through gatekeepers, Handling objections and closing on next step, Copyright 2021. Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. The word abbreviation sure is long for what it means. The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion. Everybody who is incapable of learning has taken to teaching. Facebook just sounds like a drag, in my day seeing pictures of peoples vacations was considered a punishment. You are what you eat. Lead me not into temptation; I can find the way myself. How To Make A Vision Board Even If You Dont Have A 5-Year Plan. Then I want to move in with them. Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Whoever said money cant buy happiness didnt know where to shop. This wasnt for any religious reasons. They say marriages are made in Heaven. Closing More Sales from the Inside enlists a variety of interactive adult learning technologies. Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.

Haters are just confused admirers because they cant figure out the reason why everyone loves you. If you want to look thin: hang out with fat people. I wouldnt camp out for five days if was camping. Stop shrinking to fit places youve outgrown. I thought I was wrong once, but I was mistaken. After all, they do it for a living! People often say that motivation doesnt last. Sometimes simply observing daily life provides enough funny quotes to make you laugh. Laughter is good. Come back anytime you can benefit from a good laugh, and stay inspired. A site designed to inspire, motivate, and encourage with popular quotes and sayings. Whether its self-care, self-love, relationships, or motherhood, quotes can have a powerful way of speaking to our soul and help us feel seen and validated in our experience. Men are like shoes. Unless youre in the woods and youre lost and you see a path. A fool and his money never should have got together in the first place. Technology session was huge, as well as implementing sound and repeatable processes., Best place for me to get ideas that drive my business!, Roadmap for wholesaling success! Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. Cleaning up with children around is like shoveling during a blizzard. Inside wholesalers will learn the art, as well as the science, of prospecting, qualifying, selling to ideal prospects, time management, creating new profitable relationships, referral generation, setting up effective call rotations, etc. Then hes finished. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. Theres no point in being a damn fool about it. Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example. I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that! You have to remember one thing about the will of the people: it wasn;t that long ago we were swept away by the Macarena. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it. If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question? I was married by a judge. A woman is like a tea bag you cant tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water. Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright Brothers. Everything is funny, as long as its happening to somebody else. Its always darkest before the dawn. Pauls articles are regularly featured in such financial industry publications as Ignites, Registered Rep, On Wall Street, Investment Advisor, and National Underwriters. I wish I were dumber so I could be more certain about my opinions. Never doubt the courage of the French. And if your name is on your shirt, youre poor. Some fit better than others. Older people shouldnt eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get. Then quit. My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on. 30 Self-Acceptance Quotes That Will Have You Thinking, 36 Inspiring Quotes About Self Confidence, 40 Quotes To Inspire You To Take Care of Yourself, Love Yourself Quotes 40 Inspiring Quotes on Self-Acceptance, Resilience Quotes Focusing & Learning To Bounce Back, Positive Adjectives List of 400+ Positive Describing Words, Mindset Quotes Why Mindset Is So Important For Success & Happiness, 50 Motivational Mindset Quotes That Inspire Action. A. Milne (Winnie the Pooh), Dont belittle yourself. And to the C students, I say you, too, can be president of the United States. Comment and tell me your favorite! We should all celebrate our individuality and not be embarrassed or ashamed of it. Johnny Depp, Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand-break on. Maxwell Maltz, LOreals slogan because youre worth it has come to epitomise banal narcissism of early 21st century capitalism; easy indulgence and effortless self-love all available at a flick of the credit card. Geoff Mulgan, One advantage of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries. A. The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades. Trouble knocked at the door, but, hearing laughter, hurried away. If your parents never had children, chances are neither will you. Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it. My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. A failure is like fertilizer; it stinks to be sure, but it makes things grow faster in the future. Related: 41 Unique Ways To Bounce Back From a Heartbreak, Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats., All generalizations are false, including this one., A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing., You cant wait for inspiration. Combine those together and you have something that can help you become a better person while having an awesome time. Check out the below helpful posts all about self-care: Four Simple and Fulfilling Physical Self-Care Ideas, Easy Ways to Practice Emotional Self-Care, Your email address will not be published. The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. Never have more children than you have car windows. A camel is a horse designed by a committee. Marriage is like mushrooms: we notice too late if they are good or bad. Strong women dont have attitudes; they have standards. All Rights Reserved. Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it. RIP to all the hours I spent explaining myself to other people. He is the president of the Wholesaler Institute. So consider this list of quotes a virtual notebook of sorts, packed with funny self-care quotes to help you feel more motivated. As a child my familys menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it. Each participant takes an active role in this powerful learning experience. Dont let schooling interfere with your education. When I hear somebody sigh, Life is hard, I am always tempted to ask, Compared to what?. Invariably they are both disappointed. Weeds are flowers, too, once you get to know them. Its totally irrelevant unless, of course, you happen to be a bottle of wine. What on earth the others are here for I dont know. Shes ninety-seven now, and we dont know where the hell she is. They say good things take time, so thats why Im always late. Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy. The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30 percent of their ice cream. Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including yourself. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesnt work that way. Get in, loser; were healing and falling in love with ourselves again. Enjoy! The greatest thief this world has ever produced is procrastination, and he is still at large. If make a purchase through these links, we receive a commission at no extra cost to you. You know youre getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while youre down there. Perhaps yours is watching television. We are all here on earth to help others. Political correctness is tyranny with manners. People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do. I want to achieve it through not dying. Talking about music is like dancing about architecture. Quincy is KIM's lead editor and content writer, and has invested in online properties since 2009. You cannot soar with the eagles as long as you hang out with the turkeys. If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one? document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Your email address will not be published. This is my cup of care. Women are wiser than men because they know less and understand more. A verbal contract isnt worth the paper its written on. You can follow me on twitter for some motivational/personal tweets. This is the worst thing to happen to beaches since the Speedo. Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names. Normal is overrated. Mad-D, Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner. Lao Tzu, The things that make me different are the things that make me me. A. People who wonder if the glass is half full or half empty miss the point. It helps a lot. Life is hard; its harder if youre stupid. All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal or fattening. A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you dont need it. But finding an inspiring quote that helps to remind you, is a great way to keep the importance of self-love and care at the forefront of your mind. Now quiet! I stopped waiting for the light at the end of the tunnel and lit that bitch up myself. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. Closing More Sales from the Inside will enable your inside team to unleash their selling power by implementing the best practices of the most successful wholesalers. Everyone with telekinetic powers, raise my hand. Im sick of following my dreams, man. In the words of Tom Wilson: A smile is a facelift thats in everyones price range!if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'keepinspiring_me-medrectangle-3','ezslot_8',847,'0','0'])};if(typeof __ez_fad_position!='undefined'){__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-keepinspiring_me-medrectangle-3-0')}; Not only does laughter reduce stress, it lowers your blood pressure, gives you an excellent ab workout, and releases endorphins. The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. Avoid fruits and nuts. I dont believe in astrology; Im a Sagittarius and were skeptical. These funny quotes are some of the best we could find from hilarious actors and comics alike. To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer. When youre in love its the most glorious two and a half days of your life. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target. Or, do you have a funny quote about self-care to add to the list? Im crazy about myself. Mae West, If you end up with a boring miserable life because you listened to your mom, your dad, your teacher, your priest, or some guy on television telling you how to do your shit, then you deserve it. Frank Zappa, The nicest thing about the rain is that it always stops. Eventually. A. Be loud about the things that are important to you. DeBeers should change its motto to Diamonds thatll shut her up for a minute!. My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. I had plastic surgery last week I cut up my credit cards. Heres to our wives and girlfriends may they never meet! We spend the first twelve months of our childrens lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up. I think he was right. When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who werent smart enough to get out of jury duty. The atmosphere of the program is motivational; the content is concise, and achievement driven. I dont want to achieve immortality through my work. After that who cares? Hes a mile away and youve got his shoes! If you think nobody cares if youre alive, try missing a couple of car payments. I think we should start calling our mistakes growth spurts instead. cant understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars. The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket. Formula for success: rise early, work hard, strike oil. Im too busy working on my own grass to notice if yours is greener. I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with Guess on it. I am not an early bird or night owl; Im some sort of permanently exhausted pigeon. You both get dirty, and the pig likes it. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

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